"Echos from the heart?"

I am full of my memories. I see other’s action through my mind.

I see them the way I expect them to be. I see them the way, I have become. I see how I myself would act in the circumstance the other is. I never make an effort to find out their true intention. In my mind it’s total waste of time to assume presence of goodness in others. I have long convinced myself that everyone around me is selfish that whatever he/she might be doing is to serve their own selfish interests. I am perpetually insecure and defensive. I am always on guard. I am suspicious. I have become a bundle of fear. I live in a world of fear where everyone is a potential attacker. The whole world is busy conspiring against me.

That is the kind of world I have created for myself.

I am reminded of the time when Kaikei faces Rama after he has just learnt about his exile. I feel like Kaikei.

Rama is calm and trying to pacify the situation. He loves Kaikei for he treats her as his own mother. He holds no grudge against her for being sent to Jungle because he is able to empathize with her. A “mother” trying to make her own son the king of Ayodhya. Rama talks to her about the benefit of going to the jungle. He talks about the opportunity to be able to serve the great sages in the jungle…….

As Kaikei listens to the divine words, she sees them only through her own mind. She thinks them as mere taunt. As she listens to Rama, She becomes even more insecure….

Here is a gem from Ramayana in Tulsidas’s words:

Sahaj saral raghubar bachan,
Kumati, kutil kari jaan
Chalai jnok jal vakragati,
Yadyapi salil samaan


Though the words of Sri Ram are simple and sincere, Kaikei interprets them as crooked and wicked and is able to justify her own wickedness. It is as water (in a pond) though by nature, still and calm, is interpreted otherwise by the leach, which swims across it only in crooked manner.

Do I have to continue living in a world which is created by my fear in form of a perpetual hell or begin to create a world which is devoid of insecurity and conditioning and is full of godness?

The choice is really really my own.

I am reminded of Shwetambari who created her own heaven.